Soul Food Coffeehouse

Sometimes I like to take Milosh to places like restaurants/ cafes which have a kids corner - because that lets him play with new toys and I don't have to buy those toys for him. Its just a good change when we want to be indoors - and sometimes I can do my own thing while he plays.

It had been working really well last couple of times at this place called "Soul Food Cafe" in Redmond. They have a train set (with bridges) that Milosh really loves. We go there often - especially in late evenings when they have some easy laid back live music. There was this one time we went past their closing time but he was determined to play with that train set - and kept standing at the door. It so happened that the owner was inside - doing her books -and let him in for a few minutes. He enjoyed playing there but we had to explain to him that standing at the door of closed shops will not work always :)

Now we have one more story in that same shop - which will not work always. We went there day before yesterday - and Milosh enjoyed playing with some cars in the kids corner. He fell in love with one of the cars there (Francesco Bernoulli) - and would not part from it. "I wish I could take this home". I explained to him about how this belongs in the shop, and how he can always come here to play etc etc and of course he would not budge. The car fit neatly in his pocket and taking it out seemed non-negotiable. I really did not have the energy for handling a melt down and using force (he is pretty big for that now). My mind started racing thinking - how the hell do I teach him that this is wrong - you can't just take what you like from a community shop. Before panic would set in, I reminded myself of what I read in the book "The Conscious Parent".  The author states that every mistake is to be celebrated and is an important opportunity to impart a value. I decided to not panic and make him talk to the owner. We went to them - and we shared my son's "love" for this car - and that he wanted to take it. I knew the owner has been a Montessori teacher - and was pretty sure would do just the right thing - and she did. She told him that its okay for him to take the car - but she did make sure she made him show the car that he was taking - making it clear to him that he can get in a lot of trouble if he took the car without asking. The baristas and the staff were all standing there - and looking cutely at the little guy. As grateful as I was, sheepishly I asked if we could pay - and the owner said - no I don't even know who got these cars here. But I asked Milosh if he would bring 5 toys from home to donate in this place - and he agreed.

On the way back home - I told him - you got a car because of other people's kindness - and now its your turn to be kind. Next day we got a box and put together some of his old toys that he was willing to part with. He happily helped me load the car with the box; and we drove to the shop. No signs of parting woes at all. We placed the toys in the kids corner - and told the young barista from yesterday what we were here for. She said very sweetly that we didn't have to do that, and that watching him yesterday with that car was the sweetest thing and asked us to wait for a bit. I was feeling so proud of myself - how I had turned around a tough situation and actually helping him to experience the value of giving. The book was right! I also told him we can come here anytime when you want to play with the toys you are donating. He asked if he could play for some time - and I said yes sure (there was live music to keep me busy). Everything was great, until Milosh showed a yellow car and said "I wish I had this car at home" Uh oh!! All my glory of great parenting went out the door, and I started blurting the usual threats "I will never get you here again" "No toys for a week" blah blah blah. My throat started to hurt but he stood his ground and made it pretty clear that he was not going to be talked out of taking this car with him. By the time the barista came, I was feeling ultra-embarassed, worried about what habits he is making and absolutely didn't know what to do. We finally told her that we are going to have to take yet another car today. She readily said oh thats okay - thats how it should be right, you bring in some toys, you take some toys.

It was that simple :) She stated it really well - and thats really how the kids' world operates. All my high and mighty principles and values are a desperate attempt to impose the rules of the grown ups on to the kids and at best just "whatever" in their real world. Every time I set out to teach a lesson, I am humbled with one I learn.

The two cars Milosh got from Soul Food Cafe