Goodbyes are hard....

Milosh had a lovely summer - home with his dada and dadi.  

Posted by Anuj Malhotra on Friday, July 3, 2015

He spent a lot of time biking, playing with legos and other toys at home, he really got into writing numbers. 1000 is his new biggest number - thousand is the new 5 ;) He also got better with his Hindi! He enjoyed the fares and other such summery things. We also made a bunch of small road trips, the recent most being to Mt. Rainier national park - where we stayed in a cabin for a night. He also went to California for a week.

Time as always flies and a week after the California trip was time for his grandparents to leave. We knew he was super attached to them - and had been constantly trying to warm up his mind that he would have to say bye. He on the other hand was trying to get us to let him go to India with his grandparents. "Can I please go to aNoida for 1000 days? I will not even hit dada dadi. Will you please let me go?" As parents we constantly try to do our best for our kids - and to them we are often their ruler/ jailor - their biggest roadblock to ultimate freedom :)

I think he did know that he was not going to go but he was in a denial for a very long time. If his dadi said, we will miss you, he would pretend and say - but why. Our hearts were heavy as the bags were getting packed. Milosh got his little suitcase and placed it next to theirs - for it to get packed.

I also explained to him that we don't have a ticket for him; and we don't have enough money right now to buy the tickets. He found 6$ from where we keep change and went and put it in his dadi's pocket - saying I have put the money for tickets.

What had been my biggest fear for weeks was about to happen. He had been the king of their world for the whole summer - and the kind of love and attention grandparents can give - can not be matched. We finally reached the airport to drop them and when the luggage was unloaded from the car - he said where is my bag? I had to tell him again he can not go - he said thats okay I can get things from aNoida. I then took help from airport staff - and made them tell him that he can not go without a ticket. He kept pretending to not hear them.

Finally at security check we had to hold him back as he sobbed his hearts out; as did his daadi. It was quite a scene at the airport - and everyone was feeling emotional. They were still within reach - though in the queue - his dada kept passing chocolates to him through other people in the queue. It was awful :( - I had never seen Milosh so sad. It was physically challenging to keep him away - he kept wanting to go with them. But they had to go!

We went to the nearest starbucks to get some hot chocolate and tea. We were all feeling exhausted and empty. The next few hours felt very weird. We didn't know what to do - we often just drive when we feel like that. Milosh was surprisingly much better already and unlike what I had expected, I felt I was breaking down too. As is always the case in such transitions, my mind went through the entire exercise of why are we living in USA; why can we not let him be with his grandparents; and I give permission to my heart to miss my country, my home. And each time I feel I had a great time here in USA, but now I am ready to move back. But this time I feel like may be we are one step closer to deciding to move back.

We got home and Milosh kept wanting to talk to his grandparents. It was hard for us to explain to him that they can not talk when they are flying. "But I am only asking to talk on the phone...."  I had asked his dada dadi to record a book for him while he was sleeping, its called "God loves you and I do too."  He opened the book and was so so happy to hear their voice in the book. He kept smiling and listening to the book over and over again - and kept chuckling, kept repeating it, trying to memorize all the words, and commenting "Really dadi - you love me so much?"

Then after some time I found him hitting the book - and later he explained the book won't talk back to him - its not even saying hello back. "Why are dada dadi not even saying hello to me, I love you to me?" He said he really wanted to talk to them. He made me call up his grandparents even though they were in flight. But obviously the call was not answered. I told him, you know they are saying I love you to you - you just have to be very quiet and close your eyes and you will be able to listen to it. Children are so amazing, he did become very quiet and closed his eyes for some time :)

The next day was much better, I took him to a fair, where he had a lot of rides. The next day we were finally able to Skype with his grandparents and he showed them the whole book again - made them listen to each page :)